Am I worth dying for? Am I someone beautiful and someone loved? I ask myself these questions maybe not daily but quite often.
This is a song called Someone Worth Dying For by MIKESCHAIR that I discovered this summer and I fell in love with it. I LOVE songs that I can identify with, songs that I feel like apply to me.
You might be the wife,
Waiting up at night
You might be the man,
Struggling to provide
Feeling like it's hopeless
Maybe you're the son,
Who chose a broken road
Maybe you're the girl,
Thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh God are you listening?
(Chorus)
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I
Am someone worth dying for
I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, what everybody's asking
Chorus
You're worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah the Cross has proven
That you're sacred and blameless
Your life has purpose
You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see you're something beautiful
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for
“Am I really something beautiful? I wanna believe that I’m not just some wandering soul that you don’t see and you don’t know.” This sentence speaks sooo much. I know that I’m not the only one who has questions like this. Many teenage girls and college women that I know, question their beauty. We’re told by our culture that we are not beautiful. We need to be skinnier, we need to wear make-up to cover ourselves, we need to wear the right clothes, and hang out with the right people. This is not something I struggle with as much (but I have been questioning it recently) when am alone and overcome with the feelings of loneliness. Am I so “un-beautiful” that no one will ever be “the one” for me, so “un-beautiful” that I can’t be loved by people other than family? But friends and family also tell us constantly “it’s not the outer beauty that matters but the inner beauty.” Which brings up the question “Am I beautiful on the inside?” I certainly don’t always feel beautiful. I complain and I am not always happy. I should be there for others but often all I think about is me. I am a quiet person; why can’t I be outgoing and the person people always want to be around? So…am I really something beautiful? I do want to believe I am, but that can be so difficult. Am I someone worth dying for?
God wants me to see that I am beautiful. He wants me to see that I’m not just some wandering soul, and then I am worth dying for. This is of course, easier said than done but He’s God and He MADE ME. If I say that anything is wrong with me, then I’m saying that God made a mistake but God is perfect. He DOESN’T make mistakes!!!!! I’m lucky because every time I put myself down I have friends who get mad at me, every time I’m feeling down or much less than perfect they are there for me.
“You’re worth it, you can’t earn it. Yeah the cross has proven that you’re sacred and blameless. Your life has purpose.” This is the rest of the story. Because God gave His son for us, our lives have a purpose!! Isn’t it so exciting that we are here on earth for a reason?! We are not just living to be living. We are not just on the earth to live and then die. We have a purpose!!!! The line from this song is has what has kept me going during many hard times. I am here for a reason and even if I don’t know everything that I am here for, everything that I am supposed to do…GOD DOES!!
I am constantly reminded that I NEED to rely on God. I’m tired of trying to go through this life on my own. It’s exhausting and to be honest, kind of pointless. I’m terrified to give everything to God because what if His plan doesn’t line up at all with what I want. What if…well anyway, that’s a story for another day. J
God sent His son to die for me but not because I was good enough but because I wasn’t. God loved me sooooooo much and He thinks I’m beautiful. I was created in His image and He can see the depths of my soul. He knows me infinitely better than I know myself, so even when I don’t like something about myself I need to remember that God created me and He loves me more than I will ever know.
(Before writing/posting this I thought for a long time. Is it right for me to first of all disclose so many personal feelings and second is it right for me to tell other people to believe they are beautiful and wonderful in God’s sight when it is something I question? But…I think that the fact that I struggle with this is a great reason to post it. It gives me the ability to relate to those who struggle with similar things.)
