Perfect Plans

My husband and I are sharing our first Christmas together as a married couple.  It hasn’t been easy to decide where to spend Christmas, to decide which family to see when, and for how long.  We were going to flip flop-see one on Thanksgiving and one the weekend after.  And then on Christmas do the opposite.  See the one on Christmas that we had only spent a weekend with before and a weekend with the other.  But plans change and get interrupted.  Matt had to work the weekend we were going to spend with his family for thanksgiving.  I tried to plan it all-make it perfect, but it didn’t work that way.  I felt sorry for Matt and sorry that I couldn’t plan it perfectly.

I try to do that with life.  I try to plan it all.  It’s been hard to do that while I was in college, because so much can change in a day.  I have about the next three years of our lives planned out-that is I would if it worked that way.  There will be curve balls thrown at us.  There will be unexpected things that happen.  God likes to do that to me; he shows me that I don’t have this life under control-he does.  I can’t rely on my own strength because I must rely on his.  This has been an extremely hard lesson to learn, and I’m still learning it.  I know it in my head, which is why I’m able to put it down on paper, but knowing it in my heart is a completely different story.

Earlier this year, a very dear friend moved away.  She was the writer and director of the Easter production at our church.  Who knew that when she left, I would be put in charge?  God did.  God knew that I would be writing this and directing it while going through nursing school in my first year of marriage.  I’ve been extremely busy and yet I still feel like I’ve failed when my school books are strewn all over the living room, or the dishes have piled up over the entire counter, or the laundry hasn’t been done in about three weeks and we’re out of socks.  I want to be the “perfect” wife-the one that is written about in Proverbs 31.  I feel like I was made to be a wife and a mother, so why can’t I do it all the way I’m supposed to?  God is showing me that I have much still to learn.  I thought I was ready to be wife years ago and now that I am one, I know I was wrong then.  I’m ready now, but God had it all planned it out and it worked in his timing.

The rest of my life will work out the same.  When I feel like I am ready for something, but God hasn’t yet granted me with it, maybe I still have growing to do.  Maybe I still have a lot to learn.  My life might not work out the way I’ve planned, but I know it will work out the way God has planned.  He wants the best for me, he wants to grow me, and he will bless me beyond my imagination if I can wait for his perfect plan and his perfect timing.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and  not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Christmas without Christ?

Two years ago I wrote a blog post about Christmas.  I wrote about the traditions we had in our family and how I hoped that they would continue.  Well, now I'm at a completely different place in my life.  That's what being in college is-a time of transitions.  Soooo much has changed in the past two years.  I got accepted into nursing school, graduated from UNI, started at nursing school, got married, live in a different town...etc.  And that's just me personally.  My friends have moved away, my brother has started college and lives closer to me than he has in the past four years, people all around me are beginning to have kids.  I have a new family to share holidays with, and I love all them dearly!

I have the chance this Christmas to see that my traditions continue.  My husband and I put up the Christmas tree (I hope that one day soon we can get a real tree, go out as a family and cut one down), we decorated the house, put lights up, made and decorated cookies...all the things that I wanted to continue, have.  But there are new traditions that have been added.  We will read the Christmas story together on Christmas Eve-something his family has always done.  He bought me an ornament for the tree and said maybe buying one every year will become a tradition for us.

I want to instill the knowledge in my children that Christmas would not exist if not for Jesus.  It would be rather stupid and extremely materialistic for humans to invent a holiday that creates stress in which the only point is to exchange gifts.  I mean, most of us like spending time with family more than the gift giving aspect, but we don't need a holiday to do that.

We didn't create this holiday.  It is here because Jesus was.  It's here because God loved us enough to come down to earth.  My husband pointed this out and its amazing if you think about it-Jesus (being part of the trinity) has been around forever.  He has had angels singing to him and about him, about how holy and wonderful he is.  He chose to leave that and not just be born to any human, but to a virgin.  No one would have believed Mary-she would have been known as the woman who had sex before she was married (and that's saying it nicely).  She could have been stoned, she was mocked and ridiculed.  I'm sure Jesus grew up being teased about his mom.  He left heaven where all was perfect, knowing that he was coming to an imperfect world.

Our King did this for us, and we choose to forget about him and remember the gifts, the lights, the tree, the cookies, the traditions, and everything else that we say makes this holiday worth our time.  In the words of a song by Kutless, "What is christmas if there was no Savior wrapped in a manger?  If the angels never sand 'Glory to the new born king'? What is Christmas without Christ?"  We need to remember to keep Christ as the center of our focus this time of year an put Christ first in Christmas.  Jesus is the part of the trinity that most of us relate to the best, and that's because he came down to live a human life.  He cried, he was tempted, he got angry, many of the things that we deal with, Jesus did too.  But he lived a perfect life and choose to die on the cross because he loved all of us that much!

Christmas Letter

Some of you may have already read this on Matt's blog, but I wanted to put it on mine too. :)

Merry Christmas,

We did not send out a Christmas letter this year (Matt thought we weren't at that life stage yet and then we started getting cards from our friends who are our age), so we are writing our letter online.

2013 was a monumental year for us.  We had so many exciting changes.  On January 17th Matt proposed (Christine said 'yes') and on August 17th we were married in front of our friends and family.  We've reflected on that day and are amazed at how lucky we are and how much our friends and family love us  This year we also moved into a new home in Waverly.  The house is very nice, perfect for our needs and our landlord is the best.  We are learning to live with each other.  It has been better than great, but we are still learning to care about each other's needs before our own.

Besides getting married, Christine had a big year.  In May she graduated from U.N.I. with a degree in biology.  Just a few weeks later in June she began a 15 month accelerated program at Allen College to get her B.S.N.  She is finishing up her second semester now and will graduate in August.  Christine has also begun helping Matt lead the youth group at our church.  On top of all that she is writing and directing our church's annual Easter passion mime.  This is a huge undertaking and she is filling big shoes because our friend Becky Baker had done it every other year until moving to Wisconsin this year.

Matt is still working at KWAY radio in Waverly.  He's on the air from 5:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. every weekday.  He enjoys being on the air and getting involved in the community.  He also continues to broadcast sporting events for the station.  He does play-by-play for football, volleyball, basketball, soccer, baseball and softball; and has averaged doing 135 games a year.  Matt also is working part time at our church.  He is the youth leader.  Matt is in his ninth year working with youth at the church, but with the departure of Jay Baker, the previous youth leader, he's accepted some more responsibility in that role.

Spiritually as a couple we've grown a lot this year.  We've been actively involved in our church, Grace Baptist.  We enjoy serving, doing Bible studies and anything else we're able to do.  We each have our own personal studies, we do Bible reading together and through leading the youth and writing the mime we have been deeply rooted in the Word this year.  We thank God for the ways He's lead us closer to Himself together as a couple.

We thank you also for all your love, support and friendship this year.  Thank you for helping make 2013 the best year of our lives so far.  We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy 2014!

Love,

The Rays

Back to the Present

I have such a hard time focusing on the present.  I always find myself longing for the future or reminiscing about the past.  Rarely do I enjoy the stage of life that I'm in while I'm in it.  The other day I was telling Matt that "I can't wait to start living life with him".  What I meant is that I can't wait to buy a house, to get a job, to have children, to grow old together...I meant that I can't wait for the future.

It's true that the future will be lovely and exciting and oh so worth it, but this time in my life will be gone before I know it.  One day we will have kids and talk about "the good old days."  Matt told me that we will tell our kids about "the house on 4th St." The very idea brought tears to my eyes.  We will tell our kids stories about our past.  We will look back on these days and long for the time we had together.

Today is a gift from God.  God has a purpose for us each day.  We might not see it for a long time, we might not ever see it, but that doesn't mean that its not there.  Instead of worrying about tomorrow or what we did in the past, what if we simply praised God now?  What if we could see the hurting people all around us that need our help now?  What if we shared the hope of Jesus with even just one person now, instead of waiting until tomorrow (or hoping someone else will do it)?

God's plan is holy and perfect.  I just need to stop worrying about what I'm doing right and wrong and focus on what God can do today.

Marriage Prayers

For those who read this and don’t know, I got married in August.  God has created something beautiful and blessed me greatly.  I love my husband dearly and I pray that we can continue to live in God’s will everyday.  I have grown so much in my faith during this time of knowing Matt.  I know God will continue to grow me in ways I probably can’t even imagine.  Matt and I covet your prayers.  Neither of us knows what in the world we are doing, but we know we need to follow God and we seek his will everyday.

The King is Enthralled by YOUR Beauty

My mom babysits for a little girl who just turned three last month.  About six months ago, she was going around telling everyone "I'm gorgeous."  (I think her grandpa had told her this.)  Like many little girls, she loves to dress in pink.  She likes dresses that make her look pretty, and she knows that people think she's cute.  She likes to look pretty, but she doesn't need those clothes or pigtails to say "I'm gorgeous."  She just says it.  She already knows it.

When do we (girls) lose this mentality?  My fiancé asked me this the other day.  So many girls today think they have to look like that super model in the magazine.  We think we have to look just right or change our bodies because we couldn't possible be beautiful enough to be loved by someone.  And it’s true this is what leads to many eating disorders in our country, but there are many girls without eating disorders.  What about the girls who go about their everyday lives and show no outside sign of worry about their looks, but on the inside that's something they worry about…a lot?  Girls, think about it.  We constantly measure our looks and compare them to the other women in our lives.

My fiancé works at a radio station, and the other day he and his co-host were talking about a study they had read about that talked about girls’s perceptions of themselves.  I don't remember the statistics, but it pointed out how many girls thought of themselves as average and how few thought of themselves as attractive.  It said that a fairly high percentage of girls couldn't name one feature they liked or thought was beautiful on/in themselves.  It got me thinking about how I would rate myself.  What would I name as my most beautiful feature?  To be honest some of the questions were hard.  Even as a Christian girl who knows I'm beautiful because "I am fearfully and wonderfully made," Psalm 139:14  I wasn't sure of myself.

Recently I learned that...In an effort to be humble, many girls put themselves down.  We're say we’re not good at this or that, because by doing this we avoid looking conceited and vain.  In reality though, this is the opposite of being humble.  It is just the other end of the spectrum from pride.  Pride is saying how good we are.  Putting ourselves down is saying how bad we are.  They are both "I" focused.  We are not called to be "I" focused, but to be "others" and "Christ" focused.  Not to mention that the more we say these things, the more we start to believe them.

So first, Jesus not only thinks you’re beautiful; he thinks you’re more than that.  You are gorgeous and precious in his sight. “The king is enthralled by you beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.” Psalm 45:11  God formed you and knows the number or hairs on your head.  Do me a favor and find at least one feature on your body that you think is beautiful.  But second, just don’t put yourself down.  By doing so, you are only thinking of yourself, and honestly, it’s not about you.  This life is about spreading the good news and pointing people to Jesus.

My Love is Just A Drop in the Bucket

Many of you probably know that I last week I got engaged.  I want to start by thanking God for this amazing time in my life.

As recently as a year ago, I was still wondering if there was anybody special for me.  I knew that I didn't need anyone, and that God was enough.  I knew this in my head, but I had trouble believing it in my heart.  What I wanted more than almost anything in life was to find that special someone who would be my best friend, the one who would be my better half, the one I would share everything with.  I wanted to find him, get married, and have a family.

Through a process that was far from easy I began to understand that I was putting God in a box.  Last summer I realized (with help) that I wasn't being the me that God made me to be.  When I was little, I was the girl who didn't stop talking.  I was outgoing, and I loved to be the center of attention.  (For those of you who only know me now, that might come as a surprise.)  Now I am quiet and reserved.  I am most definitely an introvert.  But in group situations, I'm not happy when I end up sitting back and not saying anything. Honestly, I don't like to the center of attention at all anymore, but that's not why I sit quietly.  I sit quietly because its what is expected of me; people expect me to be the one who doesn't participate in the conversation.  Who I am, depends on who I'm with and their expectations, so I'm obviously not being the real me.  I began to pray that I would want to want to be the me I was created to be.  I prayed that I would want to want to read the Bible and find out the promises God made for me.  I prayed that I would want to want to be content in God alone.  I began to accept that there was someone out there for me (even though I still doubted at times).  I also began to realize that God was not only growing me, but He was also probably growing my future husband.  Even though I still had a burning desire to meet my future husband, I took the time to understand who God says I am in Him.

People who saw me last summer and who see me now, see a change in me.  I don't deny it.  I am a much different person now than I was even a few months ago.  But I don't think thats a bad thing.  The past few months I have grown WITH Matt.  I've realized that with him, I'm more the me that God wants me to be than I was when I was before.  Did I need Matt to change me?  No, God could have changed my heart in other ways.  God could have grown us both in other ways, but of course I'm beyond grateful that God gave Matt to me.  (I see now...it wasn't anything I did to "find" my future husband.  I didn't date to find out what I liked in a guy.  But God GAVE Matt to me, in His perfect timing.  I don't think that it was a coincidence that Matt asked me out when he did even though we had known each other for quite a while.)  Matt is one of God's many blessings to me in the past year.

I have learned what Matt cares about.  And we have talked about what we can do together.  I want to do more ministry driven stuff-something as simple for being there for someone who needs someone to talk to even when I don't know what to say or do.  My heart is slowly being changed/grown to care about the same things that Matt cares about.  I believe that the two of us can be more together than we ever could apart.  God will use the two of us to combine our gifts and serve Him in the best way possible.

I've learned that I have not only found the best friend I will have in life, my better half, and the one I can share everything with.  But I've learned more about what love is.  Love is putting the others needs and wants above your own.  In my head I tend to make situations all about me even when I don't mean to, but loving someone has changed that.  Matt's needs and wants now come above my own.  And this love that I feel for him, is only a drop in bucket compared to God's love for us.