Someone Worth Dying For

Am I worth dying for?  Am I someone beautiful and someone loved?  I ask myself these questions maybe not daily but quite often.

This is a song called Someone Worth Dying For by MIKESCHAIR that I discovered this summer and I fell in love with it.  I LOVE songs that I can identify with, songs that I feel like apply to me.

You might be the wife,

Waiting up at night

You might be the man,

Struggling to provide

Feeling like it's hopeless

Maybe you're the son,

Who chose a broken road

Maybe you're the girl,

Thinking you'll end up alone

Praying God can you hear me?

Oh God are you listening?

(Chorus)

Am I more than flesh and bone?

Am I really something beautiful?

Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that

I'm not just some wandering soul

That you don't see and you don't know

Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I

Am someone worth dying for

I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free

But you think you're the one that grace could never reach

So you just keep asking, what everybody's asking

Chorus

You're worth it, you can't earn it

Yeah the Cross has proven

That you're sacred and blameless

Your life has purpose

You are more than flesh and bone

Can't you see you're something beautiful

Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe

He wants you to see, He wants you to see

That you're not just some wandering soul

That can't be seen and can't be known

Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you

Are someone worth dying for

You're someone worth dying for

You're someone worth dying for

“Am I really something beautiful? I wanna believe that I’m not just some wandering soul that you don’t see and you don’t know.”  This sentence speaks sooo much.  I know that I’m not the only one who has questions like this.  Many teenage girls and college women that I know, question their beauty.  We’re told by our culture that we are not beautiful.  We need to be skinnier, we need to wear make-up to cover ourselves, we need to wear the right clothes, and hang out with the right people.  This is not something I struggle with as much (but I have been questioning it recently) when am alone and overcome with the feelings of loneliness.  Am I so “un-beautiful” that no one will ever be “the one” for me, so “un-beautiful” that I can’t be loved by people other than family?  But friends and family also tell us constantly “it’s not the outer beauty that matters but the inner beauty.”  Which brings up the question “Am I beautiful on the inside?”  I certainly don’t always feel beautiful.  I complain and I am not always happy.  I should be there for others but often all I think about is me.  I am a quiet person; why can’t I be outgoing and the person people always want to be around?  So…am I really something beautiful?  I do want to believe I am, but that can be so difficult.  Am I someone worth dying for?

God wants me to see that I am beautiful.  He wants me to see that I’m not just some wandering soul, and then I am worth dying for.  This is of course, easier said than done but He’s God and He MADE ME.  If I say that anything is wrong with me, then I’m saying that God made a mistake but God is perfect.  He DOESN’T make mistakes!!!!!  I’m lucky because every time I put myself down I have friends who get mad at me, every time I’m feeling down or much less than perfect they are there for me.

“You’re worth it, you can’t earn it.  Yeah the cross has proven that you’re sacred and blameless.  Your life has purpose.”  This is the rest of the story.  Because God gave His son for us, our lives have a purpose!! Isn’t it so exciting that we are here on earth for a reason?!  We are not just living to be living.  We are not just on the earth to live and then die.  We have a purpose!!!!  The line from this song is has what has kept me going during many hard times.  I am here for a reason and even if I don’t know everything that I am here for, everything that I am supposed to do…GOD DOES!!

I am constantly reminded that I NEED to rely on God.  I’m tired of trying to go through this life on my own.  It’s exhausting and to be honest, kind of pointless.  I’m terrified to give everything to God because what if His plan doesn’t line up at all with what I want.  What if…well anyway, that’s a story for another day. J

God sent His son to die for me but not because I was good enough but because I wasn’t.  God loved me sooooooo much and He thinks I’m beautiful.  I was created in His image and He can see the depths of my soul.  He knows me infinitely better than I know myself, so even when I don’t like something about myself I need to remember that God created me and He loves me more than I will ever know.

(Before writing/posting this I thought for a long time.  Is it right for me to first of all disclose so many personal feelings and second is it right for me to tell other people to believe they are beautiful and wonderful in God’s sight when it is something I question?  But…I think that the fact that I struggle with this is a great reason to post it.  It gives me the ability to relate to those who struggle with similar things.)

The Joy of Christmas

What’s your favorite part Christmas?  Do you like the lights around town?  Do you like the food and the time with family?  Or the presents under the tree and decorations around the house?  These are a lot of what we think of when we think of Christmas and this time of year but all of these questions are missing THE MOST IMPORTANT part!!!

I absolutely LOVE Christmas!  I love everything about it-the decorations, the music, the time with family, the food, the presents, the lights and yes even the snow. J  I love the traditions my family and I share.  For instance when I was home last weekend over Thanksgiving break my family went and got our Christmas tree.  Every year we go to a tree farm, cut down our Christmas tree, go home set it up, and then that night we decorate it together.  Another tradition for me was helping my family decorate the house and put up the lights.  Every time I see the Christmas decorations that my roommates and I set up in our apartment I smile.  From the time I was one and a half I liked to point out all of the Christmas lights around town and every year I helped my dad put our own lights up.  Yet another tradition we share is that of making Christmas cookies.  Now I was really the only one who enjoyed this, but it was a tradition!  Dad would help me roll out the cookie dough because I was never able to actually manage to do that correctly.  I would bake them, and then my mom, brother, and I would frost and decorate them.

All of these traditions are wonderful!  They are a lot of what makes the Christmas season special, and I truly hope and pray that every family has their own traditions that they continue to share every year.  The problem is that every year I get so caught up in tradition and all of the other aspects of Christmas.  What about Jesus?  Without Him there wouldn’t be a Christmas.  Without Him there wouldn’t be life!!  Jesus came that we might have life and have it to the full! John 10:10

Another tradition my family and I have is going to church on Christmas Eve.  I would like to think of that as more than a “tradition” but is it?  I go to church and I sing the songs and listen to the Christmas story.  I love it! It feels almost magical, but we’re going partly because that’s what we’ve always done and that’s what you’re “supposed” to do.  This year when we go to church I want to remember the real reason I’m there.  I don’t want to go because it’s just another tradition.  I want to go to celebrate the birth of my Savior!

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11

“You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.  He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.  The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.” Luke 1:31-33

Christmas has become so commercialized!  Every year everybody rushes out on Black Friday to buy as much as they can and save as much money as possible.  We all have to make sure we have the “perfect” gifts for each other because many feel like that’s what makes Christmas special.  We buy decorations and new lights every year (because inevitably there is at least one string of lights that is burned out).  We make sure that catch of our favorite classic Christmas movies on TV and if we’re not home at that time then we need to Tivo it!!  Christmas time causes a lot of stress for a lot of people, but I don’t understand that!  We should be able to enjoy the time with our family with or without the gifts, decorations, and food.  We need to remember that Christmas is about more than all the “stuff.”

When I have a family and kids I hope we will continue some of the traditions from my childhood and make some of our own traditions.  I hope my children grow up loving Christmas time and the feeling the joy of the Christmas spirit every year.  But I also want them, my future husband, myself, and everybody else to remember the reason for Christmas and what Christmas is really about! 

Jesus is the only one who can bring you true joy this Christmas!!

Giving Thanks for Simple Ordinary Things

At the beginning of the month my roommate saved a jar and every so often she would put notes in it with things that she was thankful for.  I was going to join her and do that to but never got around to it.  Despite the fact that I never actually got a jar and joined her, it made me think.  How often do I actually thank God for what He has given me? Sure I say prayers such as thank you for_____(the day, the weather, family, etc) but do I ever take time to enjoy what I’ve been given?

Last week was the last week of school before my Thanksgiving break and the teachers all decided that this would be the perfect week to give a test.  It makes sense (to not have to study over the break) but that also meant that I had a test in almost every subject and was completely overwhelmed with everything.  At the beginning of the week someone talked about a sunset they had seen the weekend before and I realized that I rarely (but especially not in busy times) stop and look at the sunset, sunrise, stars, etc and that’s something that I really enjoy doing.

In our culture we all lived such rushed, busy lives that we don’t take time to stop and think.  It is proven that spending time in nature reduces stress levels but even if that is something you don’t enjoy what about taking five minutes with your kids/spouse/parents/brothers or sisters?  What about the five minutes when you wake up every morning or go to bed at night when you have can just sit in bed and relax?  I am so happy when I have the two-minute drive to the school library because that means that I have the chance to listen to music.

This thanksgiving and everyday this year I want to be able to say that I’m thankful for more than just family and friends.  Don’t get me wrong-I am soooo very blessed to have the life that I do and to be surrounded by family and friends that I have.  But I also want to be able to say thank you for the sunsets and the rainbows.  Thank you for time alone, and late night talks with friends. Thank you for car rides, a piano to play while I’m at school, nights when I get eight hours of sleep, and early morning walks.  I want to be able to say thank you, really mean it, and take time to enjoy these things.

Thank you for simple, ordinary things and blessings that I don’t realize I have but are given to me daily!!!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Inspiration

My inspiration for the title of this blog came from a song called Give Me Faith by the band Elevation Worship.  I heard it for the first time at BASIC a campus ministry that I’m part of, and from the first time I heard it, it has meant so much to me. (I have included the URL to the video but couldn't figure out how to upload the video directly to the blog.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=mMVvqI1-tM4

I need you to soften my heart

To break me apart

I need you to open my eyes

To see that You're shaping my life

All I am,

I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say

That you're good and your love is great

I'm broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart

To break me apart

I need you pierce through the dark

And cleanse every part of me

I may be weak

Your spirit strong in me

My flesh may fail

My God you never will

I love the lyrics of this song.  They speak volumes about how I often feel.  I’m sure that I’m not the only one that can relate to some part of them.

“All I am, I surrender”-These lyrics are something that when I say them, I need to mean them.  But sometimes it is so difficult for me because I feel like I need to be in control of my own life.  I like to have plans!  I often have every hour of tomorrow and the general idea of the next five years planned out!  If I don’t have a plan then I feel unorganized and kind of lost.  I realize that very few people are as planned as me but all of us like to have some measure of control over our lives.  It can be hard for us to surrender our lives and everything we are to God but that is exactly what He calls us to do.

And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39

“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.” Psalm 143:10

“I may be weak, Your spirit strong in me, My flesh may fail, My God you never will”-Though we are weak and fail God’s spirit is strong in us and we as humans will fail but He never will!!!  Isn’t it incredible that we have a God who loves us so much that he sent His son to die for YOU!  We are not perfect and I know that I make mistakes again and again.  Often I feel like giving up because I keep making the same mistake over and over (“my flesh may fail”) and it seems like I’ll never be able to do it; I’ll never get it right.  Here I have problems with the control issue again but if I can trust God enough to surrender my life to Him then everything I’m not able to do by my strength He can do through His.  He will NEVER fail!

“I can everything through Him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13

In the Beginning...

I wanted to start this out with giving a little background about myself and telling why I wanted to begin this blog.  I’ve never seriously considered blogging until really recently because (other than elementary school when I loved to write stories) I’ve never really been much of a writer.  I LOVE to journal but sometimes I have a hard time expressing my feelings through words.  So why in the world would I start a blog?!  I admit at first it just kind of sounded like fun because a couple of my friends do it and it is a wonderful way to record memories or keep track of stories that a person may want to tell.  But then over the last few weeks it’s been more than that.  I have felt almost led to begin this blog to tell the stories of how God is at work in my life through other people and circumstances, and things I read.  He is making things happen in my life and giving me opportunities that are incredible!

About me…I am 20 years old and I am Biology/Biochemistry double major.  I came to college having been raised in the Lutheran church but while in college I truly became on fire for Christ.  Reading has always been a favorite way to pass the time for me.  But I also like taking walks and spending time in nature, cross-stitching, scrapbooking, skiing, and talking with and being with friends. J  My favorite season changes constantly but I do love winter and snow (as crazy as that may sound).  I want to eventually get my MSN (Masters of Science in Nursing) and become a nurse practitioner in a neonatal unit.  I love children and hope to have my own and raise a family someday.